my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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