we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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