We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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