I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
