I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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