I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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