So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
