i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
