Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
