How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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