i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
