At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize