Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
