It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
