This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
