I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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