i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
