You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize