Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's just like the Real World with babies
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
