I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she peed on how many people?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
