This is not my ceiling
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
