i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
