They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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