i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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