My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
