Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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