just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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