i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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