Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
