a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
