You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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