Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
false alarm, still single
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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