She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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