That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
being pregnant is like rehab
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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