I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
