I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think people are normalizing furries
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
