Ambien. No doubt about it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
