There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
