Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
