dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
