I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
