i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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