He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
