But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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