M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize