quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
