If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
