My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so let's talk penis.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
