He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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