Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
