My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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