I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
whose parrot is this?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize