I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
