We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sarcasm needs its own font
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
