i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
