Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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