its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
