I hate your face
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
