After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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