I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
