she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
