Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
