yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize