I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
