we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
