So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
