i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she peed on how many people?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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