Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Girls should come with a carfax report
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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