I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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