so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
