What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My pussy is not your playground.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
