He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
