How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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