I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
