every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
