Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize