Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
