I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize