@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
