i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
