I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
