dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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