Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i now understand why vodka
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
