why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
