Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found your dick twin last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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