sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
