but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
