thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
its not stalking. its research.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i drank out of a bidet.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
