im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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