go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
