He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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